Jesskaa (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} writeenow) wrote,@ 2009-02-02 10:36:00 |
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| Current music: | Grounds For Divorce - Wolf Parade |
WHY IS IT STILL SNOWING? (or, a post to explain where I've been.)
I'm meeting George in like, two hours and the snow is about ten inches deep. I have to walk a mile and a half, and I bet you I'm going to sink and get stuck.
Guess who's officially (idk.) returning to LiveJournal. o:
Yeah, me. ;D I'm getting back into all my old ~vices, slash, smoking, etc.
I'm sure I've missed a lot of amazing fic, though. ;__; Rec it to me?
I'm back into education, A Level studies and an evil bitch as a tutor. I'm already behind on my homework. \o/
It's my birthday tomorrow. -.-
I'm secretly proud that I've survived another year of abusing my body, near death experiences and fucking things up. It goes without saying that I couldn't have done this without Bella, but she knows that.
My months are under the cut.
I've spared myself.
I've taken all this time to get better and sort myself out, for once, I'm actually putting in the effort not to spend my life staring at my white walls and wondering what's wrong with me.
I stopped coming online because of the endless nights I spent out.
Tom, George, Will, Alex and Aedan have been doing their best and I've regained my social skills, along with my smile. And my short hair, which I'm not so happy about but it'll grow out soon enough.
I successfully got myself off the worst of my problems. Self harm is minimal and reduced to just chain smoking, my anxiety hasn't worsened but I'm dealing with it better than I was, my depression takes a backseat to my nicotine cravings.
A result?
I've been in hospital for a few weeks, altogether, I've had an operation and there's been a massive improvement, in that my head no longer feels like it's splitting in half, constantly. I can live without painkillers and I've stopped taking unneeded medication.
I talked to Kelly, and all the guilt I had on my chest from just leaving all those old friends is gone, because the others got on without me, and she's going to live another few years, with any luck.
I'm trying out for BRIT School, everyone thinks I've got the ability to get in, now I've just got to get my grades.
I've been to so many parties, stayed with so many people, and done so much just to keep my head above water, but I never stopped wanting to come back to somewhere that made me smile, even if it was only every once in a while. It's easy to pour out feelings into a journal that no-one will read, but at least I can't lose this one.
I've written a lot, read even more in the past few hours, I've missed so many people and now I'm going to try and please everyone, but most of all, try to please myself.
I miss about a million people and to you, I'm sorry.
This journal is now in use.
